Premieres and the
Having conducted many of my own pieces, I now much prefer to sit and listen. This allows me an overview of the piece as an audience member as opposed to honing in on various aspects when conducting. It also affords a more relaxed experience, as the composing has been done. Or does it? I find myself listening with a tense posture, and any small musical digression seems huge to my ears. However, once a piece has been played a few times, the musical 'corners' have been ironed out, and I can listen with a more relaxed attitude. There is also something to be said for listening to a piece a year or so on, when everything is not so fresh in your ears. A piece always seems to sound better with distance. Then, instead of over-familiarity, you begin to have an appreciation of the work you've produced. At this point I am then so far removed from the piece that I find myself wondering how a section or phrase was achieved, forgetting entirely that I was the instigator. It is the best place to be, enjoying the performers work as they create a soundscape.